October 2013 – The Daily Do

I’m starving for words

to make my head seem straight,

for my bedtime thrill,

my daily drill.

I need my head tightened (tighter!)

I’m going crazy (fighter!)

Can’t focus, can’t relay

-words said to me.

There’s a delay.

I’m not alone.

All others stare off too

into the computer screen

-of death

at you.

At a pretty smile,

a flawless life,

while all the while

planning a brand new wife.

He has your number,

you posted it last night.

He knows where you’re eating;

it’s on Google Maps.

“Please RSVP, here’s my address!”

He knows what time your kids play at recess.

He knows because you told him,

Even your husband’s work hours.

We’re all going crazy,

staring into soulless screens.

Some think everything’s real,

but to others it’s no big deal.

So I went to a new doctor and they took my blood and told me I had a 6.2 or 6.3 A1C. My doctor says that’s too low. I give up.

Grind up my fingers and stuff them in a sausage link. Burn my toes in a furnace. Cheese grade my belly, thighs, bum and arms, I don’t care. Give me nothing, while I try to do everything. Screw it.

Is the hope that they give you periodically all a lie? Or are we all going to die quietly as they tell us that we didn’t do enough?

God is there, though. I know He is. He watches sadly behind the clouds, with teary stars and sad regards for the pain that I must carry today. He is All Knowing. He knows why I need it, and knows it’ll hurt, but He knows I’ll be happier if I go through it with courage. The brute makes us strong, the tears wash anew. I know who I am, and I know where I stand.