The smouldering body that remains
was drenched in flames last night.
A steady heart still sounds today
though wearied from the fight.
“Each beat could be the last,” I said.
“No, not yet,” I replied.
I’m evergreen, like pine.
I’m a dance on the hands of time.
Life cannot beat the courage from me. Not as long as I can rhyme.
There’s a soul inside me
and even if I die
I’ll live on in eternity
with loved ones by my side.
And there will be no pain,
pride nor coward be.
Just a dusty memory
and what courage rewarded me.
My bundle of joy at our 12 week ultrasound! Everything looks healthy.
I’ve arrived at my second trimester today, YAY! Fourteen weeks has brought me a baby the size of a lemon and I am bursting at the rim with excitement to meet ’em! I’m not quite bursting at the belly yet, but I’ve begun to see my tummy expanding slightly. I blamed it on being bloated for a bit (and rightly so), but now the bloat doesn’t go away. My tummy is starting to expose my secret! Ah! I want to start sharing the news with acquaintances starting Sunday when I’ll be a few days shy of 15 weeks. It’s also a perfect opportunity to take Valentine Day pictures with the ultrasound, haha… Anyway I think it’s about time.
About the Lows:
For about half of my first trimester I have experienced quite a bit of extreme lows (my goodness, the lows..). It’s natural for non-diabetics to have lower sugar too because of the serious progesterone levels in the bloodstream. But tacking type 1 onto it is really hard because I’d drop so low at night and before breakfast. I have to take a thyroid pill 30 minutes before eating every morning too, so low blood sugar makes it a little tough to keep to the rules. For a total of three times, I’ve been super low, taken the pill, and thrown up. I don’t know if it was related, but I thought I’d mention that. I focus on the lows at night time, but the day time lows were bad too. Let me just share a word of advice: Never buy Lara Bar Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip bars! Other Lara bar flavors are wonderful, but NEVER buy the Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip kind because it tastes like absolute crap. I had to eat a crap-ton of them because I carry bars when I’m out of the house and now am scarred for life.
Where I’m at today:
As I am transitioning into the second trimester I’m noticing my blood sugars are getting slightly better with the lows, but even worse with the highs… So yeah I’m changing my basal and bolus levels rather consistently without going overboard. I’m working with my Endocrinologist to get things straightened out, although I blame him for messing with me levels in the first place. Word to the wise: Don’t let someone mess with your pump settings when you disagree with what they are going to do. Bad idea. Nope. This is your body they are messing with. Don’t let someone else make decisions for you if you disagree.
So I went to a new doctor and they took my blood and told me I had a 6.2 or 6.3 A1C. My doctor says that’s too low. I give up.
Grind up my fingers and stuff them in a sausage link. Burn my toes in a furnace. Cheese grade my belly, thighs, bum and arms, I don’t care. Give me nothing, while I try to do everything. Screw it.
Is the hope that they give you periodically all a lie? Or are we all going to die quietly as they tell us that we didn’t do enough?
God is there, though. I know He is. He watches sadly behind the clouds, with teary stars and sad regards for the pain that I must carry today. He is All Knowing. He knows why I need it, and knows it’ll hurt, but He knows I’ll be happier if I go through it with courage. The brute makes us strong, the tears wash anew. I know who I am, and I know where I stand.