One More Step
By Rachel Bryan
I left you alone by the school
and I never felt more like a fool
I felt no surprise,
for the turmoil I was feeling.
I left that city,
racked with self-pity,
with a faint hope in my heart.
All I wanted was a new start,
but I should have looked much farther.
A year and a half in the mirror,
and your eyes I only see clearer.
With blue eyes like a storm,
all I felt was lukewarm,
knowing I could never see them again.
I try to think of another,
with feelings we’d share with each other.
And with wise time I learn from the past
and see old love’s faults at last.
I am one step closer to “better”.
I know that I am only halfway done with my summer vacation, but I can’t wait for it to be over.
It’s not that I dislike my family, but I feel choked staying here. I feel like a child the way my parents are treating me. It’s not just my parents that I don’t like to be around.. My hometown is a place I left for a reason…
Today I saw him in Target. So there I was picking up a curtain rod (for the valance I made my mom in the laundry room), and I walk around the corner towards the cashiers, and there he was. The back of anybody couldn’t have looked better. I’m not going to lie, I freaked the crap out and retreated behind some clothing racks. But I was curious. I pretended to look at belts for a few minutes as I just watched him ring up Target customers.
I hate that I did it.
He still had the same quirks. Even the way he touched his face was familiar to me.
After a few minutes I checked out with a different cashier and quietly left.
I feel mad that I watched him, because in doing so I started to really miss him.
I’m mad at myself for not being over him.
I’m pissed that my parents are being controlling.
I’m angry that I feel powerless with no money or sense of direction.
I don’t know what to do.
Is it bad that I want to run away? Just run, get out of here. I want to load my VW Bug up with everything I own and just drive somewhere. Anywhere else. I just want to leave and go to a new town and meet new people who I don’t know. People whose quirks I haven’t grown to love. These people won’t have names that make my heart sullen to hear, or faces that look perfectly familiar. They will be strangers, and I will not feel anything at all for them. And maybe I will forget how much I loved him, and misplace his name in the crowd.