Forgetting You

Poems and Things

You’re slipping away, hun.
I’m forgetting you.
And time sure robs my memory of eyes a headstrong blue.

The flushed red pain across my cheeks barely show at all-
For when I’m away from family
I’ll stop to feel the gall.

But lingering a moment less
each time I sit away,
Have got me where I feel the least,
and I move on with my day.

But I fear I’ll forget you completely
And all the memories will turn gray.
You were someone in my life
and I’ll never give that away.

Will you ever read these words,
where my heart I wring out and squeeze?
I’m sorry if I forget you,
But please remember me.

Home

Poems and Things

It’s a confining, expanding, single space. A place to go when there’s no more race. The babysitter, hairdresser, back for the baby. Forcibly smile with the sitter maybe.

I’m where society leaves me be, a place where I feel no vulnerability. All know a place they can sit and recline. Or work outside if they feel so inclined.

Just be, you see. I’ll sit down and read. There’s nowhere else I’d rather roam, than in the confines of my home.

To my Mothers

Poems and Things

It’s eight-o-clock and the cake will take ten more minutes, but I’m needed as little hands reach up.

My favorite part of bedtime is here, when we nurse and rock to sleep. The lights are dim as the chair creaks just a little. Her eyes close and her body feels sure in its place on my lap. Mama loves you. How secure she feels. I linger for two more minutes- five, till I smell the cake through the house. Can I pull myself away?

Gingerly laying her in her crib, I tuck her quilt around her sides. “I love you,” I whisper once- then twice, not keeping track of the times, and slip out the door, heart full.

And I’m filled with a deep nestling in my heart. It’s an echo of a thousand mothers before whispering, “I love you.” And I fall asleep to other things.

Take Courage, my Heart

Poems and Things

The smouldering body that remains
was drenched in flames last night.
A steady heart still sounds today
though wearied from the fight.

“Each beat could be the last,” I said.
“No, not yet,” I replied.

I’m evergreen, like pine.
I’m a dance on the hands of time.
Life cannot beat the courage from me. Not as long as I can rhyme.

There’s a soul inside me
and even if I die
I’ll live on in eternity
with loved ones by my side.

And there will be no pain,
pride nor coward be.
Just a dusty memory
and what courage rewarded me.

I’m not handicapped

Diabetes is Just a Word

Loved ones like to point out often how awesome science is and how close we are to finding a cure for Type 1 Diabetes. I’m pretty skeptical, however. It’s pretty obvious that despite the glamorous titles to these articles, my life isn’t changing. What I’m excited for is getting my gear to improve and make me more healthy! I think it’s healthier to have realistic excitement rather than having this staring contest with these miracle claims that you will inevitably lose. “But, Rachel, they’re making so much improvement! You’ll probably see the end of Type 1 Diabetes in your lifetime!” Sure, I guess, but I reckon that it won’t happen till I’m at least 60. So who will win this staring contest?

Should I live the majority of my life wincing every year in disappointment as yet another year passes without my life significantly changing? No. I won’t. I am way more excited to think about my CGM and pump getting a little slimmer and better. It’s far more realistic and obtainable in the next few years. I think it’s worth relishing these tiny miracles! I sigh a breath of relief knowing that they’re taking steps to get Type 1 more manageable and less painful. That is more valuable to me than getting excited over nothing.

Another thing that’s been bothering me are those dogs that can smell when you have low blood sugar and alert you. My family love to bring them up. Sure, I guess some people desperately need help, and a dog is the perfect solution. But as for me, I’ll stick with my Dexcom. I don’t need a dog to save me when I’m low. It feels almost demeaning to assume that a dog can help me more than I can help myself. Besides, I have my Dex to chime at me when I’m running on the low or high side. And I might add, I usually can tell I’m low or high before it goes off.

Even if I don’t need a science update, or a dog, or a bombarding ad about how “Diabetics” need a special diet cookbook, I get it anyway. I will not forget that my disease is hard, and I have lots of options to help me. I mean can’t we just forget the crap-talk? Success stories are great, but at the end of the day I don’t need to know about how someone’s aunt uses a diabetic dog and is doing great. I don’t want to hear yet again that the cure is just around the corner. It’s really just exhausting to keep up with these self-help conversations. I don’t need special cookbooks that use Splenda exclusively to help me live a delicious, diabetic life! I’m just trying to survive as painlessly as possible. I’m just trying to feel like I’m living a normal life.

Baby Bibs

Sewing Projects

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AHHHH! I haven’t done a sewing post in ages! Well, if you are in the neighborhood looking for a great bib pattern and tutorial, I hope I can help you out. I love sewing, babies, and you obviously, since I’m writing this and sending it off into the void. So thanks for being here! Let’s get sewing shall we?

You’ll need:

*Fabric for front side of bib (12″x 15″)-Cotton

**Fabric for back side of bib (12″x 15″)-Cotton

Old hand towel (same dimensions), if you’d like a more absorbent bib.

Velcro (about 2 1/2″)

Scissors, thread, a sewing machine, and a needle for hand sewing

*I am making a patchwork-style bib, so I’ll be piecing together scrap fabric. So if you’re doing this as well, just make sure you have approximately this much fabric.
**Note: This is a reversible bib. If this doesn’t interest you, you may want to skip the fabric for the back side of the bib and just have the old hand towel as the backing. When you get to step 9, simply sew your front cotton piece to your towel right sides together, leaving a hole at the bottom and continue normally.

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Print both pages of the pattern above and tape together. 

Instructions (there are plenty of photos beneath for reference):

  1. Wash and dry all your fabric to prep. Lay out your options and iron.
  2. Cut out your towel on the fold.
  3. Now you have a reference to lay your scraps on if you’re doing a patchwork style one like me. So go ahead and cut your scraps out and sew. Make sure that you have an overlap of fabric around the edges of at least 1/4″.
  4. Iron your seams flat.
  5. Fold your new piece of fabric in half, right sides together.
  6. Here’s a picture of my pattern pinned on the fold. Cut!
  7. Alright, repeat with the back side of the bib if you choose to do so. Since my front was busy looking, I decided to go for a simple yellow and continue the pink stripe from the front.
  8. Iron all your cotton pieces with the seams laying flat. You should now have all 3 bib-looking things. Sweet!
  9. Layer cottons right side together, then lay the towel on top. Pin.
  10. Sew with 1/4″ seam allowance leaving a 3″ gap to pull right side out later. I left my hole on the bottom.
  11. Layer the seams if your bib is bulky. Clip the neckline and notch the straps. I know I don’t have the best example of the clips or the layering. Sorry! To layer, cut a single layer of fabric in the seam allowance a little shorter than the one beneath it. This will decrease bulk. To clip, make small slits without cutting through the stitches. This will help the fabric fan out more easily. The notches on the wings are triangles and it will help ease all that bumpy fabric into a pretty finish.
  12. Pull the bib right side out. My hole was a little small, but it worked out okay. Press.
  13. Hand sew the hole up. I used the invisible stitch. Here is a video if you want help.
  14. Sew your velcro on with a small stitch length to help with wear and tear.

Thank you for coming by! Good luck on your bib! Please feel free to ask questions in the comments or you can email me.

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5. Matching up seams to the backsideIMG_4932.JPG

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9. Layer cottons right side together, then lay the towel on top.

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Completed bib!

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Pump Apprehension

Diabetes is Just a Word

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I’m meeting to get trained for an insulin pump on Saturday, just a few days, and I’m apprehensive.

Positive:

Long life/good health

I’ll have healthy kids

Negative:

Something is always attached to you

You’re never naked

Love life will be awkward

Dressing cute might be a challenge with a small box attached to a tube connecting to who knows where

My stomach is sensitive to shots (that seems like it would be the easiest spot to put the needle)

I cried about it the other night while Jared sat with me. He’s convinced it will be okay, although I’m not quite sure. I’ve been doing multiple injections every day for nine years… It’s hard to think about something different. All I can think about is how hard it’s going to be.

The Pregnant Artist has returned… SURPRISE!

Illustrations

Well, I haven’t posted anything for months, but no excuses, I’ll just start back up again! Well, what’s new is that I am currently 5 months pregnant! My husband, Jared, and I graduated in December, and we moved across the country to Charlotte North Carolina! So I suppose I do have a little excuse for being too busy to update this blog, haha. I haven’t drawn a whole lot, but here’s a few from the last couple weeks. More later!

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This is a cartoon-styled portrait of myself at the mechanics sitting down thinking about all the money this car is costing me. Haha. Notice my protruding belly.

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I googled a picture of a Robin to draw. I didn’t know at the time, but this is a European Robin. I’m about to start an applique baby quilt for our baby, whose name will be Robin. I’m going to go for an American Robin though, because I’ve got national pride, ya’ll.