Through Grasslands Blowing

Poems and Things

Like cattle my poems are lowing,
Tender words through grasslands blowing.
Where in the world will they possibly go?
I love that I will never know. 

What beautiful creatures, my poems of mine
whose syllables often rhyme.
Here they are, standing tall.
Here, or not at all. 

Stoic and noble, in the field standing sure,
simply passed by are my creatures pure.
Their beauty is sweet tranquility,
peaceful, unknown antiquity. 

But my words are fragile and glass-like,
I don’t want them up in the limelight.
They’re beautiful, changed if by some seen,
turning into what I don’t mean.

My courage wanes keeping them up on the wall
with the faintest dab of Elmer’s at all.
It’s my place, my land of poems;
It’s just me here though they roam.

Strangers pass through but don’t know me;
Space between us nurtures solidarity.
What a fragile, weak, yet beautiful thing
the hope of a someone to hear me sing.

Like cattle my poems are lowing,
Tender words through grasslands blowing.
Where in the world will they possibly go?
I love that I will never know.

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Ravioli

Poems and Things

It’s good to eat hot ravioli
and homemade pasta sauce.
Use herbs from the window sill, my darling! Eat up before the warmth is lost.

Sprinkle atop the parmesan
and say a little prayer.
Thank our God in Heaven for
a blessed table and a chair.

Such eating chases storm clouds and replaces kind thoughts lost.
What we need is simple.
It’s ravioli and homemade sauce.

Forgetting You

Poems and Things

You’re slipping away, hun.
I’m forgetting you.
And time sure robs my memory of eyes a headstrong blue.

The flushed red pain across my cheeks barely show at all-
For when I’m away from family
I’ll stop to feel the gall.

But lingering a moment less
each time I sit away,
Have got me where I feel the least,
and I move on with my day.

But I fear I’ll forget you completely
And all the memories will turn gray.
You were someone in my life
and I’ll never give that away.

Will you ever read these words,
where my heart I wring out and squeeze?
I’m sorry if I forget you,
But please remember me.

Home

Poems and Things

It’s a confining, expanding, single space. A place to go when there’s no more race. The babysitter, hairdresser, back for the baby. Forcibly smile with the sitter maybe.

I’m where society leaves me be, a place where I feel no vulnerability. All know a place they can sit and recline. Or work outside if they feel so inclined.

Just be, you see. I’ll sit down and read. There’s nowhere else I’d rather roam, than in the confines of my home.

To my Mothers

Poems and Things

It’s eight-o-clock and the cake will take ten more minutes, but I’m needed as little hands reach up.

My favorite part of bedtime is here, when we nurse and rock to sleep. The lights are dim as the chair creaks just a little. Her eyes close and her body feels sure in its place on my lap. Mama loves you. How secure she feels. I linger for two more minutes- five, till I smell the cake through the house. Can I pull myself away?

Gingerly laying her in her crib, I tuck her quilt around her sides. “I love you,” I whisper once- then twice, not keeping track of the times, and slip out the door, heart full.

And I’m filled with a deep nestling in my heart. It’s an echo of a thousand mothers before whispering, “I love you.” And I fall asleep to other things.

Take Courage, my Heart

Poems and Things

The smouldering body that remains
was drenched in flames last night.
A steady heart still sounds today
though wearied from the fight.

“Each beat could be the last,” I said.
“No, not yet,” I replied.

I’m evergreen, like pine.
I’m a dance on the hands of time.
Life cannot beat the courage from me. Not as long as I can rhyme.

There’s a soul inside me
and even if I die
I’ll live on in eternity
with loved ones by my side.

And there will be no pain,
pride nor coward be.
Just a dusty memory
and what courage rewarded me.

I’m not handicapped

Diabetes is Just a Word

Loved ones like to point out often how awesome science is and how close we are to finding a cure for Type 1 Diabetes. I’m pretty skeptical, however. It’s pretty obvious that despite the glamorous titles to these articles, my life isn’t changing. What I’m excited for is getting my gear to improve and make me more healthy! I think it’s healthier to have realistic excitement rather than having this staring contest with these miracle claims that you will inevitably lose. “But, Rachel, they’re making so much improvement! You’ll probably see the end of Type 1 Diabetes in your lifetime!” Sure, I guess, but I reckon that it won’t happen till I’m at least 60. So who will win this staring contest?

Should I live the majority of my life wincing every year in disappointment as yet another year passes without my life significantly changing? No. I won’t. I am way more excited to think about my CGM and pump getting a little slimmer and better. It’s far more realistic and obtainable in the next few years. I think it’s worth relishing these tiny miracles! I sigh a breath of relief knowing that they’re taking steps to get Type 1 more manageable and less painful. That is more valuable to me than getting excited over nothing.

Another thing that’s been bothering me are those dogs that can smell when you have low blood sugar and alert you. My family love to bring them up. Sure, I guess some people desperately need help, and a dog is the perfect solution. But as for me, I’ll stick with my Dexcom. I don’t need a dog to save me when I’m low. It feels almost demeaning to assume that a dog can help me more than I can help myself. Besides, I have my Dex to chime at me when I’m running on the low or high side. And I might add, I usually can tell I’m low or high before it goes off.

Even if I don’t need a science update, or a dog, or a bombarding ad about how “Diabetics” need a special diet cookbook, I get it anyway. I will not forget that my disease is hard, and I have lots of options to help me. I mean can’t we just forget the crap-talk? Success stories are great, but at the end of the day I don’t need to know about how someone’s aunt uses a diabetic dog and is doing great. I don’t want to hear yet again that the cure is just around the corner. It’s really just exhausting to keep up with these self-help conversations. I don’t need special cookbooks that use Splenda exclusively to help me live a delicious, diabetic life! I’m just trying to survive as painlessly as possible. I’m just trying to feel like I’m living a normal life.