The smouldering body that remains
was drenched in flames last night.
A steady heart still sounds today
though wearied from the fight.
“Each beat could be the last,” I said.
“No, not yet,” I replied.
I’m evergreen, like pine.
I’m a dance on the hands of time.
Life cannot beat the courage from me. Not as long as I can rhyme.
There’s a soul inside me
and even if I die
I’ll live on in eternity
with loved ones by my side.
And there will be no pain,
pride nor coward be.
Just a dusty memory
and what courage rewarded me.
My bundle of joy at our 12 week ultrasound! Everything looks healthy.
I’ve arrived at my second trimester today, YAY! Fourteen weeks has brought me a baby the size of a lemon and I am bursting at the rim with excitement to meet ’em! I’m not quite bursting at the belly yet, but I’ve begun to see my tummy expanding slightly. I blamed it on being bloated for a bit (and rightly so), but now the bloat doesn’t go away. My tummy is starting to expose my secret! Ah! I want to start sharing the news with acquaintances starting Sunday when I’ll be a few days shy of 15 weeks. It’s also a perfect opportunity to take Valentine Day pictures with the ultrasound, haha… Anyway I think it’s about time.
About the Lows:
For about half of my first trimester I have experienced quite a bit of extreme lows (my goodness, the lows..). It’s natural for non-diabetics to have lower sugar too because of the serious progesterone levels in the bloodstream. But tacking type 1 onto it is really hard because I’d drop so low at night and before breakfast. I have to take a thyroid pill 30 minutes before eating every morning too, so low blood sugar makes it a little tough to keep to the rules. For a total of three times, I’ve been super low, taken the pill, and thrown up. I don’t know if it was related, but I thought I’d mention that. I focus on the lows at night time, but the day time lows were bad too. Let me just share a word of advice: Never buy Lara Bar Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip bars! Other Lara bar flavors are wonderful, but NEVER buy the Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip kind because it tastes like absolute crap. I had to eat a crap-ton of them because I carry bars when I’m out of the house and now am scarred for life.
Where I’m at today:
As I am transitioning into the second trimester I’m noticing my blood sugars are getting slightly better with the lows, but even worse with the highs… So yeah I’m changing my basal and bolus levels rather consistently without going overboard. I’m working with my Endocrinologist to get things straightened out, although I blame him for messing with me levels in the first place. Word to the wise: Don’t let someone mess with your pump settings when you disagree with what they are going to do. Bad idea. Nope. This is your body they are messing with. Don’t let someone else make decisions for you if you disagree.
Life’s good. The pump still is awesome and terrible at the same time (please refer to the post before this one). My last A1C was 5.1, which was down right amazing! My doctor was shocked. I was struggling with lows though, so that factored in pretty bad. I did some tweaking to my pump settings helping with my lows, but now I’m getting more high. I REALLY hate being high. It makes me freaked out. I just hate the idea that my toes could stop feeling someday, and for a blotch to appear in my vision. I’m scared all the time. I worry myself into the ground about what I should do. Recently, I’ve been trying to counter-act that by just fixing the problem when it comes without the emotions. I suppress the anxiety the best I can, and continue on my day. When I do that, Jared doesn’t have to worry as much. I don’t want to weary him constantly with ailments that will always come back to haunt me. I don’t want him to worry.
The insurance I have now pays for a lot of the insulin pump! I’m going to get one! I’m super excited and so is Jared. We’ve been looking at a lot of information, but it’s hard to find something perfect. It’s like picking out a limb that you’ll have for the rest of your life… It’s scary. I wish I knew which one was the best.
Even though it’s scary to commit to something like this, I know that it will benefit my life tremendously. It will help me when I’m pregnant too! In a couple of years when a baby comes, I think it will be worth the worry I’m going through now.